I'm Such A Baby

Yes it's true. I'm a baby...and I'm a tad on the dramatic side. CHey is going on vacation for 6 days and even though its not THAT long I'm still not looking forward to it. Not to mention, it's bad enough I won't get to see him but I won't really get to talk to him either since he'll be on a friggen boat. Sheesh this is going to such butt for reals. Like I said i realize I'm a baby so you don't have to tell me. It's just hard knowing that we've never gone longer than a day without seeing each other and no more that a few hours without talking to each other and now we have to do 6 days. And that's just the warm up. Wait until later in the summer when he'll be gone for multiple weeks at a time. I think I better get that second job or I'll go insane!

I love you babe and I'll miss you. Be safe and come back soon!!!

Wow Mom Wow

This morning I got up at 8:30 for work. As I was walking out the door I realized I didn't have to be in for another hour!!! Lame. I was already dressed so I couldn't go back to sleep so I was dead tired at work today. Luckily I didn't have to do anything at work really. That was nice. But i realized that I have some major personal issues that I need to fix. No body's perfect right. Especially me. After work I went home and showered then went to Shelby's. She fed me. It was delish!! We got to talk and everything which was good :) talking to Shelby is always awesome. Then we went to a party at a friends house. I saw my ex there. He wasn't supposed to be invited. After that we were all supposed to go hang out. All being Shelby, my ex, my bf, one of my bf's friends, and some other people. Here's a little tid bit about me. I hate disappointing people. All people. I hate confrontation to. I'm not a door mat or a panzy, if it's truly important I will stand up for myself and what I believe in, but if it's something stupid (like people getting pissed cuz I won't come hang out) I get uspet. One of the most important people in my life is Chey and I care a great deal about how he feels and what he thinks. Obviously I would not want to disappoint him. Shelby is my best friend. No matter what I don't know where I'd be without her. Obviously I would not want to disappoint her. My ex and the others didn't weigh as heavy on my mind, however regardless of how high the are on my priority list I don't like having bad feelings with people. My solution was to text Shelby and explain. She understood and everything worked out.

Lately I feel like I've just been screwing up. It seems like no matter what I do I'm hurting or upsetting someone. There seems to be no middle ground. I feel like the people in my life are falling away from me and I will end up alone very soon. Regardless of what anyone says I still feel this way. I'm tougher on myself than anyone ever will be on me and there are times in my life where I just don't feel like I deserve anything I have and as a result I feel I will be stripped of everything. I need to do something to regain my hope and sense of security because right now its just not here.

P.S. Please do not comment on this post. That's not code for please do comment. Not to hurt anyone's feelings but I don't really want input on this. My blog is my journal and though its a public affair sometimes I just need to get my thoughts out without having commentary. I know its quite drab but tomorrow's a new day and I will get over it.

Celebration Of Life

Lately I have been pondering somethings. It often occurs to me that we act certain ways in certain situation because we are trained to do so. Think about it. when we were little we absorbed everything we saw. That translated to how we would feel about those same situations now. A close friend of mine is coping with a death in her family. Today her status update was "Celebration of Life, service at the church then back to my house." The first part got me thinking.

Celebration of Life

No matter what society does I think we will always associate mourning with death. That is of course human nature to want to be with someone you just lost and not have that opportunity. But death should be looked at differently. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints we know that we will return to live with Heavenly Father, Christ, and our family. So why not look at death as a Celebration of Life. Not only that, but remember that the person you are mourning is in paradise. That person is with God and our Savior. He is where he is supposed to be and he is beyond happy. One day you will join him too. This is nothing you haven't heard, but I felt inclined to post it.