Wow Mom Wow

This morning I got up at 8:30 for work. As I was walking out the door I realized I didn't have to be in for another hour!!! Lame. I was already dressed so I couldn't go back to sleep so I was dead tired at work today. Luckily I didn't have to do anything at work really. That was nice. But i realized that I have some major personal issues that I need to fix. No body's perfect right. Especially me. After work I went home and showered then went to Shelby's. She fed me. It was delish!! We got to talk and everything which was good :) talking to Shelby is always awesome. Then we went to a party at a friends house. I saw my ex there. He wasn't supposed to be invited. After that we were all supposed to go hang out. All being Shelby, my ex, my bf, one of my bf's friends, and some other people. Here's a little tid bit about me. I hate disappointing people. All people. I hate confrontation to. I'm not a door mat or a panzy, if it's truly important I will stand up for myself and what I believe in, but if it's something stupid (like people getting pissed cuz I won't come hang out) I get uspet. One of the most important people in my life is Chey and I care a great deal about how he feels and what he thinks. Obviously I would not want to disappoint him. Shelby is my best friend. No matter what I don't know where I'd be without her. Obviously I would not want to disappoint her. My ex and the others didn't weigh as heavy on my mind, however regardless of how high the are on my priority list I don't like having bad feelings with people. My solution was to text Shelby and explain. She understood and everything worked out.

Lately I feel like I've just been screwing up. It seems like no matter what I do I'm hurting or upsetting someone. There seems to be no middle ground. I feel like the people in my life are falling away from me and I will end up alone very soon. Regardless of what anyone says I still feel this way. I'm tougher on myself than anyone ever will be on me and there are times in my life where I just don't feel like I deserve anything I have and as a result I feel I will be stripped of everything. I need to do something to regain my hope and sense of security because right now its just not here.

P.S. Please do not comment on this post. That's not code for please do comment. Not to hurt anyone's feelings but I don't really want input on this. My blog is my journal and though its a public affair sometimes I just need to get my thoughts out without having commentary. I know its quite drab but tomorrow's a new day and I will get over it.