Horrible Dream/Great Realization

I'm pretty known for having the weirdest dreams you can think of. Honestly. I've had dreams about all sorts of off the wall things. I dream about the people in my life more often than not and lately there has been one person that appears quite often in my dreams: Mr. Amazing. However, last night I had a dream that made me wake up crying. It was so horrible. I was sitting in sacrament and Chey was at the front giving a talk. We were texting and out of no where he tells me he's leaving. My heart broke! Omg it was so upseting. I spent the rest of the dream trying to send him a text message about how much I loved him and how I didn't want this to happen but everytime I hit send the text never went through. Sheesh. I'm still upset about the thought of it.

I've been doing some thinking lately. I'm in a position I've never been in before and its strange. Through out our lives we come across a variety of people to date. Though they end in heart break they serve a very important purpose: they bring us closer to the person we will spend eternity with. Though the people around me were certain they had found "the one" when we were freshmen in high school, I knew that I hadn't. The only person I had this thought about was the boyfriend I had previous to Chey. We obviously broke up though (thank goodness) and I am now dating the person I know is right for me. How do I know though? I'll tell you. Aside from the insanely strong gut feeling I get everytime I think about marrying Mr. Amazing, there are some things that prove everything a little bit more.

1. Since I can rememeber I have been writing a list in my mind of the qualities my future husband will have. The list is rather large, I'm a picky person and I've been adding to the list from a very young age (even as a child I've been a hopeless romantic). Anyways the list includes some obvious important qualities and even some shallow ones. But hey its my list right. I always wanted a soccer player, kind and loving, someone incredibly good looking (obviously), someone who could make me laugh. There are other qualities I have that I can't put into words. It's hard to explain but I knew the feeling I would get being around this person. Now my last bf (let's just call him X) had some (yet few) of these qualities. About a year ago I had made a marriage time capsul that contained all the qualities of my future husband. I was shocked at myself when I realized that every quality I had put down was one of X's qualities BUT NOT ANY of the qualities I had originally wanted. I had settled. When I look at Chey though I don't have to settle for anything. Even before we started dating I knew that he was someone amazing. We would sit and text all night about random things and without knowing it he would unveil one of his qualities that matched exactly what I wanted. He even has qualities that I never put in to words what I wanted but that make up my perfect future husband.

2. When I was with X I was constantly a nervous wreck. I always had to worry about whether or not we would be together. "If I do this will it ruin everything?" That was a constant day-to-day question that ran through my head with every move I made. And I knew deep down that even though I wanted to marry him I wouldn't. I had convinced myself of something because I was afraid that he was my only chance and if I didn't force it to happen I would be alone forever. With Chey it's completely opposite. Nothing is ever forced. It just happens. I've never worried for once whether or not we'll be together. It seems to just be encoded somewhere in my mind that it will happen. I don't ever have to question and I don't ever have to worry or think twice. Last night I was sitting next to him talking with his family. I forget sometimes that they aren't my family (yet lol). When I'm with him (especially when we're sitting with our families) this thought often runs through my mind, "This is right." It's not a matter of "if" I will be with him, its a matter of when.

I know how old I am and I know that most, if not all, of you reading this are rolling your eyes at how naive I am for saying all this. But when you know, you know. Obviously if I wasn't so convinced I wouldn't post something like this on the internet. People often question others my age, my own father thinks I'm to young to know what love is (seems a little hypocritical since my mom was 18 when she met my dad). Here's some food for thought though. You often hear about the strong and lasting impressions of the spirit when it gives prompting such as going on a mission or things of that sort. Why is it so much harder to believe someone's prompting of finding their soul mate?